Someone please........

Someone please come save me. I seriously can’t handle this alone anymore. Why is reality so fucking hard to swallow?? I cannot take it anymore. Anyone…… Please…. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to be unwanted ever again. I hate this feeling. It just kills me in and out. It’s like acid going through my lungs. I cannot breathe anymore. Can I please leave this place as soon as possible? I don’t want to stay here anymore. There is no purpose for me anymore. I FEEL SO UNWANTED. I am not important to anyone anymore. People just befriends with me because I was there all along. They never though about I was there because of them. I just cant take it any more. Being treated like this. I am not appreciated for what I have done for them. I don’t want to stay here, everyday arguments happen and I cannot do anything at all. I want back my life. Can you please give me back my life? Is it better for us not to see each other so our relationship will be better?

I’m having headache now, I cried the whole night. I was reading my old post in my old blog and it reminds me of the old me. I was a very religious girl who loves God, God’s people and God’s church. I loved to go to church and I’ll go whatever to get to go to church but my mum used to anti-YF because I have been spending most of my time in church, more that home. I used to fight for my rights in my future. I had this really big fight with my dad before for choosing my career path. I was a very strong girl that time. For the 1st time in my life I am so enthusiastic of knowing God and doing his missions. Everyone loves me that time for being the most helpful girl that time. But my mum is trying to stop me from involving myself in church.

I seldom go to church when I had moved to Kampar. I had been abandon by my friend which I thought she was my friend that time. She was the one who makes me feel wanted in the church society, and now she just abandon me like that. I feel unwanted, unsecure, more far away from God. Its so hard to move on with life knowing your relationship God is getting soar everyday.
I had a new life in Kampar, at 1st I couldn’t handle the loneliness. I was all alone not knowing what to do. I didn’t even have friends to have dinner with. Until someone save me from this dark pit. I enjoy every single moment with her. She was the one for me every single time, the time I locked my keys in my room and have no place to stay. She was the one who call the man to get the key for me. A person who was always there for me every time I need some one. A person who console me when I broke up. Celebrated my 1st birthday in Kampar. A fun person to hang with, eventhough some times a bit sial. Was there with me when I banged my car. A companion of my daily life. My best Friend.

BABE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DO KNOW?????
My tears cant stop falling down my cheeks.

I know some times you need some time for yourself too. I also don’t dare to call you out everyday since you came back.. I am sorry for being so clingy towards you. Its like everything also need to tell you and stuff. Do you feel annoyed when I do that? If you do I am so sorry because I really have no one to talk to. I am not like you with so many friends that love and support you. I seriously envy you because you have so many friends that love you like I do and I don’t feel special any more. You can choose who to talk to if you want. I am not demanding for your attentions. But I just wanna let you know that you are a very close and special friend to me. And I appreciate you’re your existence.

Now my life is like a pile of shit. People don’t even bother to look and step on me. I lost faith in God, I feel I am not wanted in anywhere, I just need to cook dinner for my family and that’s my routine of my everyday life. Can I please have back my own life? I miss the working life in Palace. I miss getting scolded by my chefs for not doing my work fast enough. I miss setting up the buffet table. I miss clearing the 3 layer trolley of vegetabes and other food. I miss topping up cereals during morning shift. I miss ppl calling me to make drinks for them during working hours. They appreciate my existence more than you all. I am a member of the crew. I am wanted to finish my daily task before I could go home. I miss all the overtime there. I miss speaking foreign language with the guest every morning. I just want back my old life. I don’t want to stay here and become a useless fella that cooks at home and get money from my parents. Can I be more useful than that???Please give me strength to carry on. My spiritual life sucks now. I NEED GOD!!! I want him to come into my live once again to save me from all these rubbish.

I want to be a better person… But how? I want to be wanted again. Can some body save me from these again? I really cant take it anymore… Please save me from this…. I am begging you please….Please come…. Please come and save me… I don’t want to be here any more…