I am sick

I puked 5 times today and i feel sick... I puked 3 times in de morning, In class during break time and i puked all my dinner out. And even now I feel like puking... Zzzzzzz.... Hope tmr class will be fun.... bye...

Chiko Guild Updates

Salam sejahtera,

Update-update daripada Ratu Babi,

1. Malat sudah mahu menurun taktanya kerana stress.
Feedback daripada ahli yang lain:
a. Pengerusi, silalah balik ke takta engkau.
b. Chiko King, kalau u tak menjadi Chiko King tak ada orang boleh menggantikan tempat anda.
c. Ketua Malat, naib pengerusi Wkuanz@punggung pomello akan menggantikan tempat kau sementara menunggu kebalikan engkau.
d. Surat resign engkau telah di bakar dengan tiupan api membara kecil Nini.

2. Naib Pengerusi Wkuanz telah menjadi acting pengerusi sementara menunggu ketibaan Ketua Malat dan akan memanaskan kerusi pengerusi dengan skill signature-nya iaitu punggung pomelo yang paling hebat di dunia.

3. Ketua Malat telah pergi bertapa di salah sebuah gunung di Australia supaya tidak dapat diganggu. Kita akan menunggu dia balik!! YOSH!!!

4. Ahli Ratu Babi telah di kurnia LEVEL UP hingga ke level 21 sekarang. Progress ini telah menyebabkan dia teramat gembira dan akan berusaha lagi untuk berperangai buruk. FIGHTING!!!

5. Ratu Itik telah MIA, Levelnya masih lvl 5 dan telah di beri skill baru iaitu, Itik punggung hitam, muka merah merah dgn kentutan berperisa wasabi.

Baiklah inilah report update yang di tulis oleh:
Ratu Babi.
Salam Mesra

This is for Sher.

As I have promise, this is SS501. (Star Singers five becoming one).



This video is called Deja Vu and you can see all the cute guys singing and dancing in it. And my darlings are in it. One of my favourite Mv now.

So back to reality, Will be so busy starting next week. Why???

1. Tuitions with my Auntie Theresa to pass my exams. Mon-Fri 9-5
2. Baking class starting already Mon, Wed, Fri 7pm-10.30pm
3. Cell group Tuesday night. 8.30-10.30
4. Guitar lessons Thurday time havent comfirm yet.
5.Food Fair next Monday and the ppl are not helping at all. Everything last min. I event manager some more. Accounting I do, Equipment I check. Things I buy, I check prices, What you all do wo? Everything push till last min. Everything i do sai la.

Whole week i have been having bad days. Since I play maple some more. I duno why people can fight in maple and take it so personally. Sorry to say, ITS JUST A GAME. Everyone gets so emo because of what? Even I do. I really don't know why. I fought with Daph a few times already this week. JUST ONLY THIS WEEK and it hurts a lot. A lot of misunderstanding in it.

One thing i admit. I don't like Daph to be so unreasonable some times. There is no point to reason with her eventhough you know you are right and sheis wrong. Then she will say after the right "Is this the 1st day you know me?" So i will bare with it because I love her no matter how bad her temper and how unreasonable she is.

1 Thing i wanna tell u babe. I love you more than maple, so I will not leave you because of some silly online game which you hit monsters and lvl up. Its just a game. It wont affect our friendship. So fuck it. I am going to stop for a while also since I am so busy starting next week. I don't want maple to screw up our friendship and my future.
Thats it.

Anyway I am going to bed already. Have tonnes of things to do tomorrow. See ya soon. And hope you all enjoy SS501's mv.

Dinner At Steph's

Today woke up early to go out with Daph. 12.30 she went my place n pick me up, then we went to register our new guitar class. Later we went to fetch her brother at ACS and sent him home. Forgot to mention we ta pau food la... So both of us was like so hungry so we decided to eat in the car. Lolz. She was driving and eating and talking to me at the same time. Oh hebat nya....

Later went back my place, we online for a while.

One Thing I am so happy about is actually I made Daph got addicted to SS501... And she like Ji Hoo too... and She say my Hyun Joon IS COOL.... WAHAHAHAHAHA.... Babe lets watch ur man again^^

So later on we went for our 1st guitar class together. It was raining that time and we 2 perempuan gila da sampai untuk our class pertama with our guitars. The teacher is called Mr Lee, a middle age guy which talks a lot. Xian Is it this one?? Anyway, we were learning complicated from my CD. So Daph was wondering is this Acoustic Lessons. Because we wanted to learn the plucking one and have exams. So after lesson, we asked the girl outside, she say yes, its acoustic lesson. The other one is call Classical Lesson. So Daph decided to change teachers. But I refuse to change because the classical one have read chords which I have no bloody idea how to see it. And yes plucking is much more harder than strumming. So I've decided to stay in this class to learn guitar for my own interest. So won't be so stress. Anyway Daph can teach me classical when she is free right babe?? And I can teach her what I've learnt. Double combo. Lolz...

So after that we went back home. I cooked dinner tonight. 3dish 1soup meal... Lets see......

Guest of honor: Duck Highness

Brocolli and mushroom with seafood sauce.

Fried Egg with Mince Chicken.

The most simple and favourite dish of the night.
Chicken and potato. Lolz....

Itadakimasu^^ (my rice and soup)

Daph's Soup with lots of onions.

P/S: I fell down 3 times today and yesterday and my knee and butt hurts alot... ZzZzZz.....

Thank You for all your supports and all the huggies. I appreciate it a lot. I've achieve a few things and finally going to move on with my life already. At 1st I wouldn't like to stay here to further on my career, because Ipoh is a small town, I have no friends here, and my parents are super controlling. I cant even go out the house after 10.30pm. I got used to the independent life in KL which I can do whatever i like, with whoever I like, what time I like and where ever I like.

In KL I am so used with the night life there. I can even go back to my work place to berfoya-foya at 3am in the morning and come back at 6am, and go to work at 3pm and there are no one who control me. Here is like a prison locking up Cinderella to cook dinner everyday. But at least i am no 1/2 as bad as her. I no need to clean the house, I have my PC, I can wake up when ever I want. Hmmm that isn't that bad right... So lets us look to the bright sight.

I have finally decided to settle down, since I have my family here, eventhough is a bit though, but I have lived with them for like almost my whole life, I'll get used to it.

BTW, I got these for the people......

*A Sweaty Bear Hug* - Muffin-chan
*Tomato Hug* - Chiko King
*Ciuman Panas* -Jie
*Muax Muax* -Babe
*Ji Hoo yang paling kacak di dunia* -Amir, *kena paksa*
*Huggie Wuggie* -Jin

Thank you guys so much.... I needed it so badly... T_T Thank you all for being there for me when I needed some one. I love you guys so much..... Sobz..... *Terharu*

Anyway... Don't want to think about sad things liou. I cry till me eyes so bloody beng kak now still pain la... Lets talk about happy things^^

Yesterday mid-morning gastric and puked all the yellowish bitter sour stuff out.... EWE...
Having a bad headache as well, I tought wanna sleep di, at 6am I was talikng to Amir and downloading lime-wire. So I off-ed my pc. Went back to room, I started packing my closet, For you all that know me, you know I dont do these kindda thing. But yesterday I did. I packed till 8am and I slept.

So this is my closet without the door which I soarted out my old clothes and I folded and hanged them nicely. So the sequence is like this. Its so organize I am so proud of myself.

The hang clothes: from left to right:

• My Chef Uniform
  
• Formal Shirts, white, yellow, pink blue
• Casual Wear dresses
• Long Sleeve Shirts, red to black
• Jackets white to black
  

Down part.
From Left to Right
Casual Wear, T-Shirts, Home Clothes

Corner Left
Long Pants, Shorts, Skirts

So this is the bed I sleep on. As you can see, I have so many things on it. Lolz....
Normally when I wake up, half the thing will be on the floor. hahas...

So today went dinner at Citrus, and we had great food.

The Menu

My Onion Soup

YC's Lobster and Seafood Chowder

My Main Meal. 3Kings = Cod Fish, Scallops, Unagi grilled on teriyaki sauce

YC & Wk 's Cod Fish Cake and Grilled Salmon

Mum & Dad's Rib Eye

Looks like Ultraman wants to eat too...

Strawberry Panacotta, Banana Creap and Pandan Cream Brulee.

Warm Chocolate Cake, Cheese Cake and Brownies With Vanilla Ice Cream

Looks like Ultraman ate too much dessert. We need to opperate him. Mwhahahaha...

Someone please........

Someone please come save me. I seriously can’t handle this alone anymore. Why is reality so fucking hard to swallow?? I cannot take it anymore. Anyone…… Please…. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want to be unwanted ever again. I hate this feeling. It just kills me in and out. It’s like acid going through my lungs. I cannot breathe anymore. Can I please leave this place as soon as possible? I don’t want to stay here anymore. There is no purpose for me anymore. I FEEL SO UNWANTED. I am not important to anyone anymore. People just befriends with me because I was there all along. They never though about I was there because of them. I just cant take it any more. Being treated like this. I am not appreciated for what I have done for them. I don’t want to stay here, everyday arguments happen and I cannot do anything at all. I want back my life. Can you please give me back my life? Is it better for us not to see each other so our relationship will be better?

I’m having headache now, I cried the whole night. I was reading my old post in my old blog and it reminds me of the old me. I was a very religious girl who loves God, God’s people and God’s church. I loved to go to church and I’ll go whatever to get to go to church but my mum used to anti-YF because I have been spending most of my time in church, more that home. I used to fight for my rights in my future. I had this really big fight with my dad before for choosing my career path. I was a very strong girl that time. For the 1st time in my life I am so enthusiastic of knowing God and doing his missions. Everyone loves me that time for being the most helpful girl that time. But my mum is trying to stop me from involving myself in church.

I seldom go to church when I had moved to Kampar. I had been abandon by my friend which I thought she was my friend that time. She was the one who makes me feel wanted in the church society, and now she just abandon me like that. I feel unwanted, unsecure, more far away from God. Its so hard to move on with life knowing your relationship God is getting soar everyday.
I had a new life in Kampar, at 1st I couldn’t handle the loneliness. I was all alone not knowing what to do. I didn’t even have friends to have dinner with. Until someone save me from this dark pit. I enjoy every single moment with her. She was the one for me every single time, the time I locked my keys in my room and have no place to stay. She was the one who call the man to get the key for me. A person who was always there for me every time I need some one. A person who console me when I broke up. Celebrated my 1st birthday in Kampar. A fun person to hang with, eventhough some times a bit sial. Was there with me when I banged my car. A companion of my daily life. My best Friend.

BABE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DO KNOW?????
My tears cant stop falling down my cheeks.

I know some times you need some time for yourself too. I also don’t dare to call you out everyday since you came back.. I am sorry for being so clingy towards you. Its like everything also need to tell you and stuff. Do you feel annoyed when I do that? If you do I am so sorry because I really have no one to talk to. I am not like you with so many friends that love and support you. I seriously envy you because you have so many friends that love you like I do and I don’t feel special any more. You can choose who to talk to if you want. I am not demanding for your attentions. But I just wanna let you know that you are a very close and special friend to me. And I appreciate you’re your existence.

Now my life is like a pile of shit. People don’t even bother to look and step on me. I lost faith in God, I feel I am not wanted in anywhere, I just need to cook dinner for my family and that’s my routine of my everyday life. Can I please have back my own life? I miss the working life in Palace. I miss getting scolded by my chefs for not doing my work fast enough. I miss setting up the buffet table. I miss clearing the 3 layer trolley of vegetabes and other food. I miss topping up cereals during morning shift. I miss ppl calling me to make drinks for them during working hours. They appreciate my existence more than you all. I am a member of the crew. I am wanted to finish my daily task before I could go home. I miss all the overtime there. I miss speaking foreign language with the guest every morning. I just want back my old life. I don’t want to stay here and become a useless fella that cooks at home and get money from my parents. Can I be more useful than that???Please give me strength to carry on. My spiritual life sucks now. I NEED GOD!!! I want him to come into my live once again to save me from all these rubbish.

I want to be a better person… But how? I want to be wanted again. Can some body save me from these again? I really cant take it anymore… Please save me from this…. I am begging you please….Please come…. Please come and save me… I don’t want to be here any more…

Depress......

I'm so sad... Hana Yori Dango Korean Version has come to an end. I have no purpose in life any more. The ending was good though. I was so touched i cried watching it. Some one pls press de restart button so i can watch all over again. DO NOT LET IT STOP!!!

Anyway the ending goes like this. Jan Di ends up with Jyun Pyo, and everyone lives happily ever after.

I didn't know that SS501 has this Japanese reality show called The Mission. And its so fun watching them doing mission. I really hope I could go to their concert one day. By watching this series, I feel that I am getting to know them better.

Ji Hoo, Hyun Joong - speciality is dancing, and he like Gyudon(beef rice)
Young Saeng- (sweetest smile) doesn't like fish
Jung Min- a very intelligent man who wins most of the competition.
Kyu Jong- Cool in his own way. Likes magic.
Hyung Joon- Youngest, *Cutes* Omg...... *faints* (PaoPaoPao)

Btw today is 4th April and it is...... Jung Min's Birthday^^

Happy Birthday Jung Min @ Sexy Charisma^^

Right back to reality for a while......

So this week is another meaning-less week. Bit depress for not working for so long. But relax so long already its hard to get back on my feet and go work. Its like My mind wants, but my body reject. Want to cut of the lazy vain. Hmm... My course is starting soon though, looking forward to bake more cakes and decorate it... At least doing something berfaedah.

Went to Kampar with Duck Highness yesterday to meet a long loss friend Ah Loo. I think i have his picture some where.

Hahas. This picture is taken 2006. My camera de setting cacat that time only write 2004. So this picture is 3 years old already, and Ah Loo is 3 years older already.

Anyway, went Kampar and had our drinking session at Ghany's Corner. We shared the IndoMeeGoreng. My 1st meal at 4.15pm. Hahas. I had Milo Ice and Ice Kosong and Daph had Teh Ice and Teh O Ice Limau.

We had less time to chat because we have to rush back before 6pm. So we chatted a while and we talk about last time what we did. Our histories such as:

• The 1st day we met. We simple go in ppl's car. =_='''
  
• Motorbikes racing in Kampar
• Merajuking by sitting on the floor, Beng almost got a fight with QQ
• Piggie back for the duck
• Confessions
• Da Gei in Sky on9 and I was called the chicken king because i always die in O2Jam
• Break Dancing in the street
• Go long kai entah mana with orang tak berkenalan
• Go duduk on de swing dan ber-emo
• Simply help ppl clean the WHOLE HOUSE at 3am till nx day afternoon. (babe u scrape your ankle till 1 part skin gone remember?) I was having difficulties in mopping the floor. And we pandai pandai go wash people's clothes also. Hahas (miss the old days)

So at like 5.15pm we need to head home already, and we secreatly follow Ah Loo home, and met his mum. Lolz... He told his mum to no layan us, then say we are (Sang Fan Shu) means sweet potato yang kurang matang. I couldn't hear at 1st then Daph told me. I was like WTF.... Oh geram nya.

So we were driving home, it rained heavly and i couldn't see the road. So almost reaching Ipoh already, Ah Siang @ Sky online manager called us because i called when we came to Kampar but he never pick up. He didn't know who was I and i just gave the phone to daph and he ask who is she. She said Zau Yam Mui means Out of tuned Girl and he finally remember us. And know wad??? HE CALLED ME FEI MUI ZAI. I'm like tersindir.... Oh cilaka punya lelaki....

Okie abaikan. So after fetching Daph's brother from tuition I fetch them home, then I went back to cook dinner.

I had a really bad day today and......

Dear Ho Yan Choon,

I am sorry i slapped you.

Love,
Stephanie.

I didn't do it on purpose, its just that he was so rude till i couldn't control myself. Its like I seriously cannot tahan this kindda attitude lo. Like scolding your own tuition teacher, not obedient towards family members, answer back rudely, treat me like a slave like the father, call him go mandi dun go mandi. And his parents sucks!!!! Is this how you teach ur own son??? Like ur son have authority over you. You listen to wad ever your son says no matter its right or wrong. NO DICIPLINE AT ALL.

1. He does wrong, I scold and punish him, u go like pamper him and say ok nvm nvm. Later continue homework okie. (make me seems like the evil witch and your are the beautiful angel)

2. How he act towards the tuition teacher? He put his leg on the table, lay his head on the table and write, scold and say don't want to do home work.

3. Eating out time, If we dont go to the restaurant he wants he wont get of the car, say don't want eat la this la that la, wants my father to pujuk pujuk him wo. WHAT KINDDA OF SON IS THIS? While on the table, complain complain, complain dun wanna eat la, later get fat la, wanna diet la. See he is the one who eats the most, and when people says u not diet one meh?? then he answer back "Who says???"

4. Simply reads people's msg in my phone and read loud loud some more. I HAVE MY PRIVACY OKIE??? If you wanna read just diam diam and pretend u playing games la, no need to read out loud right???

5.Family members are all pampering him like shit. Later he grows up and become a pile of SHIT!!! I am the only one making effort to teach him to be polite and nice but NO. The more nice i speak to him, the more he gets on top of my head. He thought he has the authority towards everyone already.

6. Today he says "I hate you" to me, and i replied "I hate you too", my heart was burning while saying that. Even now i am crying while typing this. Its not that I don't love him, you think i slap him i feel better and more proud of myself of slapping people ar? You think I enjoy slapping him ar? You think I tak sakit hati kah? I really don't want him to grow up to become a pile of shit lo. Everything also people do it for him and he what also duno. And he is being to rude towards people, I hate seeing such a rude boy which is so useless.

I really duno how to teach lo. The parents also like this already. What can I do? I can choose to do nothing and just watch him grow to become a useless fella. But I can't do that. I really can't stand the way he is acting. Its not that I don't want to teach, but everytime my parents are here he always goes to them and complain that I do not let him do this and do that and start to make a big scene as if i am the pesalah like that.

That is why I rather not come back to reality. Just let the happiness in maple world and korean actors take over me and let me stay there forever not knowing anything bout the true cruel world. I don't have the strength to go on any more. Just let me be.......

Suddenly i feel very depress... There is a problem and you can just see and not comment bout it. You cannot solve it, you cannot talk bout it and you cannot express what are you feeling. It does hurt me seeing other people suffer and I cant help. I felt like a useless friend who cannot do anything for him or her. I just can watch. For example, tying me on the chair with my mouth covered with tape, and hitting my friend in front of my own eyes. And the only thing i could do is just sit and watch. Thats the reality of life. Can you handle it???